the day we got the call!

January 8, 2018.

Shawn and I had just returned from Houston, where we photographed and beautiful wedding. I had written this blog post just 7 days prior. (If you haven't read it yet, go- it's a great precursor to this one!) The kids were back at school after Christmas break, giving me some quiet time in our house – something I treasure dearly. Somehow, I had finished up all of my work for that day, and had decided to sit down and draw. This is something that I have been wanting to focus more on as of late, and so I signed up for an online bootcamp. It’s been really fun so far!

January‘s assignment for the bootcamp was to draw the contents of my purse, so I had dumped everything out on the table and was giving it a go. And then the phone rang.

For four years, I had imagined that moment. When I would look down and see a Virginia number pop up on my screen (our agency is located in Virginia). There have even been a few times that I’ve received a call from Virginia and it turned out to be a telemarketer! They didn’t get the warmest response :-). But this time, it was real. It was happening.

I picked up the phone to hear our agency coordinator say, "Hi Lissa, it’s Leah – do you have a few minutes?" Um, yes- I have many minutes. However many minutes you want to have!

Leah then said the words I’ve been hoping to hear for so many years..."So we received several referrals, and I have a file for your family to review..."

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In Chinese adoption, adoption agencies receive files on specific children from the Chinese government, and then they are able to match those files with the families on their waiting lists. There is no rhyme or reason, nor cadence to the frequency in which they receive files, and it often takes quite a while for the files to travel through all of the necessary offices within each government for them to finally arrive in the hands of the adoption agency. This is one reason that most of the children adopted from China are at least 18 months old- it simply takes time for the files to reach the agency's hands, and children keep growing. :)

They then refer those files out individual families, one at a time. Our specific file was exclusive to our agency for a period of 21 days, and in order to keep the process as efficient as possible, we needed to be able to review her information, and make a decision within 72 hours – so that if in the case that we chose not to accept this referral, they could then refer her to another family. So, we needed to make a decision relatively quickly.

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Leah talked me through the files she had on our daughter.

She is almost two years old, born 1 day and 1 year after our daughter Liv.

There was a newborn photo included- which is unheard of and something we are so thankful to have- and a very small passport-style photo of her at one year old. The rest of the files were all medical records that had been translated into English. I talked with Leah for a half hour, and then called Shawn, still in total shock.

Our late-night reading has looked a little different lately- this book "Mine In China" is GOLDEN if you are adopting from China.

Shawn was up at our store, which we were in the process of closing down for good. He had been working his tail off for at least a month now, working from 9 AM to 7 PM, and doing everything he could to make sure the transition was smooth. I hardly even knew what to say other than. "we got the call! THE call!" I don’t think he had any idea it was coming.

The next 45 minutes seems like hours as we waited for Leah to email us her photo, and the rest of her files. I had dreamed of opening this email together with Shawn, sitting at home – but when it came down to it, we couldn't be in the same place and just didn’t care anymore! We had a new daughter!

When the email finally came, I just cried. There are so many details about her and her story that our evidence of God‘s great love for us. Even now, weeks later, I am realizing on a daily basis how detailed and specific an extravagant our God is in the way he loves us. Those are the things I want to be sure to share here in this space.

Once we received her information, we knew we needed to get a few consultations with doctors. Our pediatrician took time out of his busy day (hello flu season!), just look over our files and discuss them with us. We were also able to speak with a group of doctors who offer this service for free for adoptive parents. We are also very thankful for Dr. Chambers of Children's of Alabama who reviewed her files for us as well and went over every detail. Dr. Chambers is not only an international adoption specialist, but she has daughters adopted from China as well, so that was extra comforting to me. Once we had the doctors' professional opinions, we were all in.

At this point, we submitted our LOI (Letter of Intent to Adopt) to the People's Republic of China, and would wait for a LOA (Letter of Acceptance) before anything was official. It was a tough few weeks not being able to be public about our referrals we waited, but at least we had some photos to look at 1000x a day!

Once we received the official LOA, we celebrated! And began a new mountain of paperwork, haha...

Remember how I mentioned her birthday earlier? Our daughter was born on February 25, 2016. This is a big deal because we wanted at least a one year gap between Liv and our newest addition, which is another part of the reason we have waited so long (17 months). (Our agency won't refer us any children that didn't match the requests we had made when we first began our adoption process- i.e. gender, age range and special needs we were comfortable with). I couldn’t believe it when Leah told us her birthday – it is literally one day and one year after Liv's! I feel like this is such a special detail because over the past few years, I have had many desperate conversations with God where He has graciously heard me ask why we continued to wait over and over. I feel like in giving our new daughter a birthday literally one day and one year after Liv's, he saying to me, "See? I didn’t make you wait one more day then you needed to". 

I also think that it is no mistake that we received our referral at the same time we were closing our store. Shawn has been more available to help than he has in the past 6 years and right now I am SO thankful for that. We have about 1000 plates spinning right now and I have needed his help so much. I also know that the Lord has used our new daughter to plant hope in our hearts when we could be focused on the end of this chapter. 

You may have noticed I haven't shared much about her medical needs or any photos of her yet. We have decided to wait until we are with her in China to share photos of her, and wait until we are back home and can see our doctors here to share about her medical diagnosis. I can tell you- she is adorable, as big as Liv already, and that her medical needs (as far as we know) are surprisingly low-maintenance and do not seem to inhibit her whatsoever. Thanks for being understanding about this- her privacy and her story are worth protecting and are really hers to tell, so we want to be sure to honor that. I do plan to share more about her medical needs specifically- simply because I think that is one of the things that concerns people most when considering international adoption- but we want to make sure we have the best understanding of everything first, and that will take a few doctor visits here in the US first. :)

So, she will be two by the time we receive her China. This makes me very excited and also very nervous to have a two, Three, and seven-year-old – but I can’t have been the first, right?!?

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To answer a few other questions I have received, I am just going to list out a few things below:

She does not know any English yet, and we do not know any Mandarin, really – but we are going to do our very best, and trust in time will be speaking the same language :-) One friend recommended learning simple words in Mandarin and teaching her sign language to bridge the gap. I love this idea and plan on doing that. We also have some helpful apps.

We do not know our specific travel dates yet, as we are waiting for some paperwork to process, but we hope to travel in April. Our trip will be about 2 1/2 weeks, and we will bring her home permanently. It is just one trip. During our time in China, we will go through several appointments, a medical review, and wait for her visa to process. When she lands on US soil, she will be an American citizen!

We plan to take both Knox and Liv with us, as we believe they would be present were we having a new biological child, we want them to be part of our new daughter's story as well.

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Thanks for reading! I'm planning another post specifically about our trip to China next. Feel free to leave questions in the comments section- I think adoption is awesome and want to educate as much as I can about it. 

Related blog posts:

Why we chose International Adoption

Why we said "Yes" to special needs

little "I'm faithful" reminders

When we first began the adoption process, I was an adoption blog sponge. Meaning, I would stay up till 2 am reading people's stories of their own adoptions- with tears streaming down my face- as I cried and laughed and wondered what it would all look like for us. 

Gorgeous view from our room!

I'm still wondering that, frankly- but what I can tell you right now is...it's happening. 

The Bible talks a lot about signs and wonders- little "tells" that the wise will know that the coming of Christ is close. Without over-spiritualizing this, I noticed something as I read all those adoption blogs: there are always signs. Signs that the call is coming. That meeting their child is just around the corner. That God wants to let them in on a secret- this adoption you've been waiting on is almost here. 

One family had a prophetic word spoken to them in a phone call from a friend they hadn't spoken to in years. One adoptive momma had a dream her son was born on the day he was actually born. One heard audibly their new child's name. These things are something I've treasured hearing about the past few years as we've waited. I've wondered if we'd experience similar. 

Friends, it's happening. And it fills me with HOPE.

There have been many little things recently- but I want to tell you the "signs" from the Lord we've experienced just in the last few days. Shawn and I are currently in Houston, having come to photograph a special New Year's Eve wedding. New Year's Eve is also our anniversary (12 years!), so we decided to spend an extra couple of days just for us. 

Bethel's song "Take Courage" has been my prayer for our adoption lately- if you haven't heard it, you must stop everything and go listen. So full of truth- especially for those who find themselves in the midst of transition:

So, you can imagine my emotions (read: rollercoaster of feelings) when the beautiful bride yesterday chose to walk down the aisle to this very song. Upon hearing it, God whispered to me, "I'm still here. I'm still taking care of this whole journey".

Later at the reception, I got to catch up with a sweet friend who I haven't seen in a few years. God's used her in my life's story more than once to encourage me, and of course, He did it again last night. It just so happens that this friend is also an adoptive mom. Seeing her there with her daughter was a wonderful reminder that the wait actually does end at some point. Her words were thoughtful and positive, and I know she's praying specifically for this. I couldn't be more thankful.

Our "Happy Anniversary" toast :)

This morning, on New Year's Day, Shawn was reading Isaiah 43:5-7, which says, "Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and I will gather you from the west. I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth-- everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." (Emphasis mine)

Of course, for a couple like us who are adopting internationally, these words have extra special meaning. But the really amazing thing for us is the east and west reference. We've known our daughter's name for a few months but haven't announced it publicly yet. But what I CAN tell you is that in Mandarin, her name means "journey west". 

You guys, this is a big deal to me. God's timing is never off. My understanding of His timeline may be (and usually is, haha), BUT His promises are true, and I'm so thankful we have a God who lovingly sprinkles these little "I'm faithful" reminders during a trying time. 

It pumps me FULL of hope. The promise that the wait will end. The realization that every moment we wait (and she waits!) is a moment He wants us to spend waiting- because HE knows best. But the icing on the cake is that in the midst, He's lovingly giving us signs that we are nearing the end. 

Praise the Lord!

yeah, we're still waiting...

It has been 4 years, 8 months, and 14 days since we first started this adoption process, which feels like the LONGEST bleeping pregnancy in the history of EVER.

Sweet, sweet people come up to me every day and ask about our adoption (thank you for caring!). I have finally just started telling them exactly how I feel. I am SO. DONE. with the waiting. But more on that in a minute...

I realized I may have never answered a few general questions about our adoption here on my blog, so:

• We are adopting from China. More on why we chose international adoption HERE.
• We do not yet know the exact child we will adopt. (Essentially, we are waiting on THAT phone call from our agency, saying they have a child for us.)
• We do know that she (yes, it's a girl!) will be somewhere between 12-19 months old. It is very rare to see a child adopted internationally from China under the age of 1. These aspects (age range and gender) are all things that are part of our family's specific request. 

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Side note: Did you know that currently in China there are more boys currently waiting on a forever home than girls? It's true! We were not aware of this when we first started and requested a girl (it is also possible to be open to either gender). If we would have requested a boy, he would have been home months ago. Our agency consistently has boys of all ages on their waiting children site. This is something we have battled with after learning, but we feel a peace about our current process and have decided to continue with our original request- at least for this current adoption. :) It seems that China's one-child policy of the 80's has trickled down to a (now outdated) Western mindset- including mine- that there are many unwanted girls available, therefore feeding the uptick in the request for girls. Here is a great article by Kelly Mayfield that explains this more fully.

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• Our daughter will have some type of special need, and we do not yet know what that will be. Our agency is aware, however, of the conditions/needs that our family has decided we are "OK" with, and what we are not comfortable with- and they will not match us with a child who does not fit within our "OK" list. Much more on the special needs thing HERE.
• When we do get THAT CALL, we will have the opportunity to review everything that is currently known about the child, including a medical file which we will have reviewed by our pediatrician and international adoption specialist doctors (yes, this is a thing). We will have the opportunity to say "no" if we feel like her medical needs may be more than we can handle, or for whatever other reason- though we expect that would be a rare occurence.
•  She will have a given Chinese name, which we are hoping to keep as her middle name if it has any connection to her biological family or special significance. If it is just a name given by the orphanage, we may not keep it. We DO have a name for her, but aren't quite ready to announce that yet. :)
• Yes, adoption is expensive. Adopting from China will cost over $30,000 by the time it is all finished. These fees go to pay our non-profit Christian adoption agency, social workers, the U.S. Government, the Chinese government, translators, notaries, document authenticators, doctors, travel costs, and all of the people who have cared for our daughter before she is in our arms. Our agency has been transparent about each and every fee and what it goes toward. Because of all of the paperwork and people involved, the costs are high. But I MUST tell you- the Lord has provided every cent we have needed. Yes, we have worked hard to save, and I have about broken my fingers off filling out grant applications- but we have been provided for SO WELL by the body of Christ that it has instilled a true passion in Shawn and I to give to others' adoptions in the future. 
• Why has it taken 4, almost 5 years now? Part of that is our "fault" and some of it isn't. When we first applied to adopt, it was through our agency's Ethiopia program. At the time, adoptions from Ethiopia had been very popular and families were being matched quickly- within a year. But right about the time we got in, timelines started to slow down. At first we were told 18-24 months, and then it was 24-36 months, and the wait time continued to grow. This is a confusing matter- because agencies aren't able to predict wait times- they don't know when they will be receiving files of children. They are only able to state the trends that they are seeing- as in, how long families currently being matched have been waiting. So essentially, timelines were growing. That is when we decided it would be ok to have another biological child. Our daughter Liv's story began broken and ended beautifully. I am so deeply thankful God wove her into this process and into our family. After Liv was born, we decided God was asking us to China's special needs program. So essentially, we started over. We've been waiting on our China baby since March of 2016, so about 18 months now. Another thing that has lengthened our wait in the China program is that we have requested our Chinese daughter be at least 12 months younger than Liv. Because China does not refer out children younger than 1 year very often, we've also been waiting for Liv to get older. She needed to be at least 2 for us to receive the very rare referral of a 1 year old girl. Most children are around the 18 month mark when referred from China.

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Those are the facts. Now here are the feelings:

I HATE that our process has taken so long, because I worry that it will deter others from pursuing adoption. I pray every day that we will see more and more adoption happening in our specific community- our church, friends, and family. I was discussing this feeling to a wise friend not too long ago and they responded, "Lissa, someone else's decision on whether or not to adopt is their decision- and however your story influences them isn't up to you- it's up to God." Essentially, Lissa- YOU CANNOT CONTROL THAT. Amen. I needed to hear that. 

I want people to see that this process has been absolutely worth it- and we don't even have a baby home yet. God has refined our hearts and attitudes so much through our journey. One of the most consistent themes for me has been giving up control. Control of the timeline, the circumstances, my idealistic plan for my family- you name it, this adoption has likely impacted my perspective on it in some way. I'm thankful for that.

Literally all of my assumptions about how this process would look have been extinguished. I really thought we'd apply, wait a bit, decorate a cute baby room, fly to another country, get baby, come home, live happily ever after...and so far it just hasn't looked like that.

After we applied with our agency to begin the process in 2013, I scoured the internet for adoption blogs. I would read them late into the night, like a crazy Netflix binger. I was so hungry for others' real experiences. I wanted to be the EXPERT on how this would go. I remember reading one family's blog who had recently announced that they had a biological son while waiting on their adoption from Ethiopia to be complete. In my naivety, I thought, "Wow, they really lost focus. How could they possibly have another child without considering the one waiting for them in Ethiopia?" About a year later, I got to eat my presumptuous feet like a Thanksgiving meal. We were pregnant in the middle of an adoption. The pregnancy was an answered prayer and something I had hoped for for a long time. Wow- I'm so glad God knows my future and consistently writes a much better story than I do.

It's true. I am SICK of the waiting. But it has been refining. I am a better mom and wife because of it. At my most vulnerable, I'm also completely scared about what's to come. We are anticipating a lot at our household right now- and weirdly- we are full of peace. I know that this is because God's peace surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7). I know it's because He hears the prayers of His saints and boy, do we have a lot of people covering this specific issue in prayer on the daily. I can't tell you what a blessing that is! I have many more thoughts to share, and I plan on posting more in the future. Thanks for reading. Stay tuned- greater things are still to come!

Pictured here: "You Belong Here"- the sweetest children's book I bought a while back, a jade necklace I bought on one of my trips to China, our passports, and just a smidge of the paperwork!

why we said "yes" to special needs

This post is number two in a series of posts about questions we get about our adoption. To see the first post- "Why International Adoption?" click here. 

Our family is currently in the process of adopting a special needs girl from China. I love talking with people about it- because even though we don't have her home yet, it somehow helps me process it, and get excited about it just as I would be doing with a pregnancy. (Many in the adoption community refer to the adoption process as "paper pregnancy"- which is a perfect way to describe it!)

A question we get a lot is:

“Why did you decide to adopt a child with special needs?”

Well friends, it pains me to tell you that we actually didn't.

Have you ever been cruising along, thinking that you understand just how your life should go and then all of a sudden, hard stuff happens and you realize your plan is crap and you should really just trust God- the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE- with it? No? Oh, me neither. :)

Truthfully, in the years I've been a parent, God has taught me over and over that His way is better than mine. And so one of my biggest pieces of parenting advice to new moms is to acquire the taste of your own feet. Never say never. God's plans are bigger.

Photos in this post are from a past trip to china. the children there captivated me and i loved photographing them!

You can read a little about how our adoption process started in this blog post, as well as a little bit on why we chose international adoption. Adopting a special needs child definitely wasn't our first choice, in fact – it was one of the only things I thought I could never do. God has been patient and gentle with me, however – and we are confident in the path that we're currently on.

Because I am a habitual list maker (and also love to see how God uses small things to make big changes), I've decided to list out the catalysts for this change of heart and direction in our adoption process.

1) We got educated.

One of the hardest parts of this process was realizing that I had my own misconceptions and suppositions about what a special need was, and what it was like as a parent to live with or treat. When we begin the process with the China program, our agency sent us a huge list of special needs that they commonly see. I was surprised to see that hemangioma – something that our biological daughter was actually born with– was on that list. Other small things like asthma, eczema, and missing a finger or toe were also listed. Don't get me wrong, there were many more severe needs and many of the "minor" needs were often in combination with another one or two. But, it was very interesting to realize that the Chinese definition of "special needs" is very different from ours as Americans. 

We were asked to go through the list and do some research to see what we would be "ok" with. Our agency provided us with several excellent resources that were specific to China special needs adoption. It was a hard process. We felt like in saying no to some need that we were saying no to a child- and essentially that's what was happening. However, we had to be realistic about what our family could handle and how we could best meet the needs of our child. We eventually came up with our own list – and talked through it with our social worker and agency.  We eventually decided that we were OK with anything that wasn't potentially life-threatening – things that could be treated with surgery or medicine.

We will not know what special need(s) our daughter will have until we receive a referral, review her file, do the appropriate research, and accept the referral. It is possible to just request one special need, such as cleft palate, but because we chose to list several, our agency can refer us a child with anything on that list. It is possible that after reviewing the files and seeking the appropriate medical advice, that we could choose not to accept the referral. But, I would have to say that is very unlikely.

2) We are wealthy by the world standards. 

I mentioned it in this blog post, but once Shawn and I realized that in the world's eyes, we were wealthy- and by that I mean as average-earning Americans, we make more than 99% of the rest of the world- it was hard for us to forget. Our American dollars are able to buy excellent medical care, healthy food, and a safe place to live. We don't take that lightly.

3) We have ample resources in our city.

Speaking of excellent medical care, our city has two amazing hospitals and thousands of medical professionals available when we need them. Lubbock is a hub for the medical field in this region- and knowing we would have access to specialists, clinics, and expert opinions when we needed them was reassuring. It also doesn't hurt that we have a Pharmacist brother-in-law that doesn't mind midnight text messages about children's medicine dosages. :)

4) It could've been our biological child.

This was a mindset shift for me. I mentioned earlier that our daughter Liv was born with a hemangioma on the top of her head. This was and is hardly an issue (except for a few unusual comments from strangers)- and now that she is two it has almost completely receded and is covered up by her hair. 

Liv was born in the middle of this long adoption process- and one day, it hit me- I do not have to fear- whatever special need our adopted daughter will potentially have could have just as easily been something our biological child could have been born with! Yes, the genetics are different- but if Knox or Liv would have been born with a cleft palate or limb difference, would we have said "no"? Absolutely not- how absurd would that be?!? So in many ways, that is my mindset. And, with adoption, we get the perk of knowing what is to come- preparing for her needs before she arrives.

5) It's Biblical.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

— James 1:27

Another hard truth I have wrestled with is knowing that somewhere out there is another momma who gave me her daughter so that she could have life. I am not going into this process expecting to know much about my daughter's history. Most children in China are abandoned in a "safe" public place where they will be seen and rescued quickly- such as the doorstep of an orphanage or hospital. Many are abandoned because their parents are unable to care for their needs and know that they must give up their child in hopes that they will be adopted and have access to proper care. You guys, that is heartbreaking. 

God tells us to look after these children, and it will be an honor to do so. 

One very exciting thing I learned about just today is The Love Project. This project was created by Meredith Toering, who runs the Chinese foster home Morning Star Foundation that cares for babies with complex heart defects. The proceeds from their shop go directly to families who cannot afford care for their babies. How wonderful is that? Please, check out their store and consider doing something powerful with your dollars today.

The Love Project

Click here to visit the shop!

6) Many have gone before us.

Seeing as we have been in this process a little over 4 years now, we have been exposed to a number of families adopting special needs kids. Their attitudes, perspectives and stories have really shifted my own mindset. It helps me realize that I'm not alone. There are parents who have gone before me. And that is really relieving. I know that whatever we are up against, I will have a village to refer to (whether online or in-person)- and I am so thankful for that!

7) Because God won't be surprised. 

Speaking of going before us...

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

— Deuteronomy 31:8

The Chris Tomlin song came out just as we began our adoption process and I can't tell you how many times this truth has soothed my soul. God WILL NOT be surprised, even if I am! The road we are walking is one we trust that God is leading us on. All we need to do is follow in obedience.

8) All orphans have trauma.

This is another tough truth. Our agency has supplied us with many awesome books like The Connected Child and one of the most consistent things we have learned is that no matter the circumstances- not age, location, or physical need- all orphans deal with trauma. The adoptive parent/child relationship is one born of brokenness, and because of that, there is pain to be dealt with- be it ever so subtle or severe. 

I don't mean to be pessimistic- just realistic here. Yes, I absolutely do believe that Christ's power is so much bigger than any of the trauma that exists. But it is there- and needs to be recognized and worked through for healing to happen. Having a non-"special needs" child does not mean that the trauma won't exist.

9) Every child's "normal" is different.

Selfishly, one of the concerns I had was the potential for consistent comparison between our biological kids and our adopted one. Until one day I heard an adoptive momma explain that  her daughter's "normal" was never supposed to look like her biological daughter's "normal". It was a breath of fresh air and made total sense to me. Already, in our two bio kids we can see how different they are. I could never discipline and reward them the same- it just simply wouldn't be effective! I've learned how to effectively discipline and encourage Knox and Liv in their own ways- ways in which they respond best. So of course, the same would go for our new daughter. 

And, as for any differences in physical appearance, how she gets things done, etc.- that is exactly how God created her! We will choose to celebrate that difference and appreciate the uniqueness of it. 

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We are closer than ever to receiving a referral (essentially a phone call from our agency saying we have a match)! There are some days I think I might burst from the anticipation, but others I just long for the waiting to end. In the meantime, I'm soaking up all the info I can. Check out some of my favorite bloggers who have adopted special needs girls from China:

Ashley Ann- Under The Sycamore               Shay Shull- Mix and Match Mama               Ann Voskamp

What other questions do you have regarding adoption? Feel free to comment them below!

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why international adoption?

I've been wanting to start an open series of posts related to some of the questions we get about adoption- and this is by far one of the most popular. So, here we go!

The common question I get is something like this:

“Why are you going to adopt from another country when there are plenty of children here?”

Sometimes it's more specific:

“Why international adoption, and not domestic or foster-to-adopt?”

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This is a big question we get all the time. And as a frequent receiver of this question, I have to tell you, it's a loaded one. If you're willing to be the asker of this question (which is totally an OK and appropriate thing to ask about), I do beg that you lay down any assumptions first.

I will answer this question from our family's perspective- realizing that for all the hundreds of adoption stories I've heard while in our adoption process, each and every one has been different. Every family's "why" is different, though some of the reasoning will be the same. So, please also understand, that while we are talking about something that many people do, there can be no one answer.

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I'm actually going to answer the last part of these questions first, which is:

“Why not domestic adoption or foster care? ”

Something I must emphasize first is-

In saying "yes" to international adoption, we are not saying "no" to domestic adoption or foster care. 

Please let me explain...

Yes, there are "plenty of children here". There is an absolute need right now for foster families in our area. The One Heart Orphan Care Alliance is doing some amazing things for foster kids and families in our area. Even if you're not ready to be a foster parent, you can still help- check out their website for more info. Reputable foster care providers in our area (Lubbock, TX) are Children's Home of Lubbock, Arrow Child and Family Ministries, Buckner International, and Texas Boys' Ranch.

When we began our adoption 4 years ago, our social worker advised us to get a few more years of parenting under our belts before we went the foster-to-adopt route (we had 1 barely 2 year old). Now, I think we could have done it and been fine. Admittedly, we were not educated on how fostering works and were just scared to look into it at that point- yes, we have had our assumptions, too. :) At this point in time, however, we have had years of watching others foster and that mixed with accurate education and information has made us much more open to the process. We know of many families who began an international adoption at the same time we did, and have since decided to forego the international adoption in order to foster, or chosen to foster in the interim. 

At the point in time we decided to adopt, we lacked the information and education we needed to foster. And at this time, we feel that we are too close to finalizing this adoption to start the foster care process- but who knows? It's a definite possibility for the future.

I also want to point out that though still imperfect, the foster system in our country is structured for reunification- a.k.a. reuniting kids with their biological parents. I think this is wonderful, however it can make for a very long process for those hoping to adopt. It has been a major blessing to me to get to watch friends love on their foster kiddos fully, not knowing how long they will be in their home, or how much it will hurt when they go. These foster families are making a conscious choice to love regardless of outcome, whether it ends in reunification or adoption- and that is exactly what God calls us to do!

As far as domestic adoption is concerned- our social worker explained to us that as a young couple who was able to have biological children of our own, we wouldn't be the first choice for most American birthmothers, who tend to prefer couples who haven't been able to conceive a child. (I am sure there is someone out there that will argue this point or knows someone for whom this wasn't true. Please remember the statement above- every story is different. Every adoption is a miracle.) From what we knew at that point, our wait for a domestic infant adoption would likely be a very long one.

And, the cost for domestic adoption is in the same range as international- on average, $20,000 to $50,000. So, for us, there was no clear advantage to domestic over international.

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“Why are you going to adopt from another country?”

When Shawn and I began our adoption process, we were 28 and 29 and had a barely 2 year old biological son. We had experienced some infertility issues and 2 miscarriages. We had been to China 6 times collectively, and had the privilege of working in an orphanage there. We knew before we were even married that adoption was something we both wanted to do. China was on our hearts, however, we didn't meet China's adoptive parent requirements (age and income), and so we decided to pursue an Ethiopian adoption. 

However, when it came time to do our home study with our social worker (one of the first steps in the process), I was a ball of nerves. I look back now (over 4 years later) and realize I'd brought all sorts of guilt and expectation with me to those meetings. Guilt that we should be "staying in our own country" instead of "taking a child from their home". Worry that we wouldn't be up to the task of raising a child who didn't look like us and has a different genetic makeup. While mailing off paperwork one day, the postal worker said to me, "well you know there are a lot of needy children here in America..." (thanks a lot, lady I don't even know). Really, I had the same question myself- why would we go halfway across the world to take a child from the only "home" she knows? Isn't that just cruel?

Our blessed social worker also helped us work through several of the reasons we'd felt led to adopt internationally. These were the two major reasons for us:

We had a global perspective. That first trip to China really opened my eyes as to how other people live in different parts of the world. Seeing another culture first-hand created a respect for other cultures and a thankfulness for my own upbringing that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I realized that "different" doesn't equal "bad", and that my American culture was good but had it's own downfalls- just like any other world culture. This perspective has allowed both Shawn and I to consider our future adoptive daughter as "our daughter" and not necessarily "our adopted Chinese daughter". Though she may be referred to in that way as to avoid confusion, there is a difference in mindset. 

We are totally excited to incorporate some Chinese culture into our family traditions, and as adoptive parents of a daughter born in China, we are required to. As a part of our lifelong commitment to adopt and care for our daughter, we will also be required to send the Chinese government yearly updates and have promised to teach her about her heritage. We consider her birth country and heritage an exciting and special part of our daughter's story.

We were (and are) rich. No, this doesn't mean we had tens of thousands of dollars sitting in a bank account, waiting to be spent on an adoption. But by the world's standards, as average-earning Americans, we made more than 99% of the rest of the world. And because we are Christians and believe that all we own is given to us by God- and that it is our job to steward it well- welcoming one more makes sense. Within 5 miles of our home, we have 2 of the best hospitals in the region, our pediatrician, and at least 5 urgent care clinics. Specialists are a phone call or doctor's referral away. Our local school district is excellent. Our city is not polluted and disease is kept under control. Our neighborhood is safe. That kind of access to resources is NOT something the rest of the world can boast about. One of the things our social worker pointed out is that the basic needs of orphans in other countries are typically needs that literally cannot be met in that country. In our future daughter's case, we know that her special need will likely be the major reason she will be eligible for international adoption. It is not that China does not have the ability to treat her needs, they do- but that treatment requires caregivers who are able to afford it, and most in China cannot. 

At the time we filled out the application with our agency, we actually only had about $2,000 saved- but thanks to a very generous community, several grants and fundraising, we've been able to do it completely debt-free. God has proven Himself to us financially in many ways through this process. 

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Now for the sticky, messy part. The part that deals with the question behind the question- 

“Why are you not adopting from “your own” country?”

I know that right now, our country is in the middle of a big immigration mess. "Immigration" means many things to many people right now- but to our family, it also means "adoption".

Without getting too political, I have to say that the insinuation that we would be going against "our own" country by adopting internationally is rooted in ignorance. As a family, we have been very intentional to "help those in our own backyard"- especially children and families in need- and do frequently (so can you!). 

But after all, this is America- we were all immigrants to begin with. The more I think about this question, the more I realize it is rooted in ethnocentrism. If our hearts are truly for the orphan- any orphan- it wouldn’t matter where they came from. So there is my stance on immigration. People are people.

Our daughter will be a naturalized American citizen. She will be "our own" just as we natural-born citizens are.

I had a moment I will never forget when Knox was about 2 years old- right at the beginning of our adoption process. He was playing by the window in a diaper and I thought, "what if that baby waiting halfway across the world was my Knox?" Oh, how quickly I would go after him! How forcefully I would pursue a new home and life for him here with us! It didn't take my Mom heart long to totally "get it".

Friends, a child who needs a family- no matter where they are located on the planet- is a child who needs a family.

So there is my (albeit long-winded) answer. It doesn't matter how you get there, or where they came from. We LOVE adoption, and think it is GOOD. Period. 

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To see more adoption-related posts click here: www.lissaanglin.com/adoption

it's about time! advent + an adoption update

This owl is our china baby's first ornament on our tree. I pick one out for the kids each year. no- we don't have a name for her yet, so we just call her "our china baby" for now! :)

Today is a day I should be doing so many other things. There are kids' Christmas parties, emails, last-minute Christmas gifts (thank God for those sweet teachers who wipe my kids' noses every day and love them so so well!)...

I've been needing to write an adoption update- and if I'm being honest- I've just been putting it off. I've made myself too busy with other things. But for some reason, in the middle of this chaotic day, I've decided to sit down and write. Why? Because as a counselor once told me, "Lissa, you have to start giving yourself time to FEEL your feelings". Ugh. It would be so much more convenient right now to just keep doing all the things and not really think about all those silly emotions. (sarcasm- can you tell I am a DOER by nature?)

However, I am excited to share where we are at in our adoption process right now. We have been logged in to China for 4 months now. Liv will turn 1 in just a couple of months, and that is a special date, not just because it will be her 2nd birthday (which is a miracle in and of itself), or that we will be welcoming a new niece into the world (my little sister, Layne, is pregnant!), but for another reason. When we sent in our paperwork to China, part of our request was that there be at least a 12 month age gap between Liv and our adopted daughter. It is very rare to see a referral of a child under 12 months in China. Because of the systems and processes there, most of the youngest children are around 18 months- 2 years when they are referred for adoption. So, because of our request, the older Liv gets, the more likely it will be that we get a referral. 

Can I just pause for a minute and tell you how psycho I feel right now?!? Right now a 12 month gap between my two youngest girls seems like crazytown. Like an all-out circus with bits of popcorn kernels shoved all in the cracks. To be honest, this has been one of the biggest areas of attack for me. I know that Satan knows my love for control, and I am aware that I constantly fall into the delusion that I am in control at all. So in those moments of weakness- when I already feel totally unprepared to even parent the two kids that are at home- I panic. How will I ever parent 3 kids? I can't even get them to school on time, much less doctor's appointments! (I know you moms of 3+ are just chuckling to yourselves right now- go ahead, you deserve it!)

But then there is also all that ugly pride that hangs out in the background, like it should get free rent just because it's been there so long, taking up space in my heart. The illusion that all this blessing was all ME. That EVERYONE expects us to be this or that- that I CAN DO and MUST DO it all. Gross. Just makes me want to spit it out.

When you couple the I-can't-do-it panic with the but-I-have-to-be-the-best pride, you get a mom, wife, and child of God with a serious identity crisis. 

And that has been me for the past few months. Mostly holding it together on the outside, while I wonder if we are just straight up insane on the inside. (Bless my sweet friends and family who are consistently patient with me!)

After we got our paperwork to China, I started working on a few grant applications. We have been amazed and in shock at how generous people have been so far. Friends, relatives, and even people we don't know have contributed to our fund. It has been one of the humbling ways God has not only proven Himself and His provision to me, but I know He is working on that old tenant, Pride, as well. 

We totaled up the upcoming costs we have left- and I kid you not- it was still over $13,000.00. This is what it will take to get us to China and back. Some of the fees are simply incredible, and you would be amazed at what little portion of that our agency actually gets. Much of it is travel and other fees that we will be paying to the orphanage, government, etc.

Most recently, we got work that we were awarded a matching grant from Lifesong for Orphans. They are going to MATCH up to $3500.00! As soon as we got word, I immediately started brainstorming ideas for fun ways we could raise the $3500.00. We tossed around a few ideas, but after speaking with Lifesong, we found out that we were not to offer any services or products in return for the donations. To be honest, that was hard for me to deal with. As a DOER, I couldn't imagine asking people AGAIN to just straight up contribute to our adoption fund. It would be so much easier to just make something or give my services in exchange. Easier on my pride, that is. The longer I let it settle in, the longer I realized this was a pride issue! So, again, I got to have that I-trust-you conversation with God. And of course, He has been providing just like He said he would! 

If you would like to contribute to the matching grant, just click on the "Donate" button! It is tax-deductible!

Additionally, we have decided to put all the income from my How To Work It workshop toward our adoption until enough funds are raised! This has been a dream project of mine for a while and it has been so cool to start working with the very first attendees this month! Check out more on the workshop HERE.

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The truth is, He is good. He is faithful. He's made a way. I'm not supposed to be good enough, organized enough, strong enough. He knows our daughter in China. (It's very likely that she is alive and waiting for us NOW!) He knows our future struggles. BUT, I know what He's taken us through to get to this point, and have no choice (logistically or emotionally) but to trust Him with this.

So- for a short synopsis or what is to come:

Within the next few months (anywhere from March-October, we are estimating) we will get a call with a referral from our agency. 

They will give us a file to review, and we will have an allotted amount of time to pray over the file, consult doctors and medical professionals, etc. 

If we say YES, the paperwork will start back up! Hopefully, we will travel 10-12 weeks later. 

It is crazy to think that this time next year our daughter could be home with us- and we could be a family of 5!

There is a large part of me that is ready to not be waiting. I can't wait to know that peace when my heart is not longing for something literally around the world and wondering in expectation if I should be more prepared, what that day will look like when we meet her, what the transition will look like, etc. 

But isn't that what this season of Advent teaches us? Shouldn't I ponder all of these things in my heart, just as Mary did? I'm thankful that I don't have to know all the answers. Thankful for my Savior who has allowed us to be here, on this adoption journey. Thankful for Knox and Liv and the way they bless and refine us daily. 

Thankful for all of you who have taken the time to listen to my crazy and pray for us, give to our fund and truly impact our family's legacy forever. Merry Christmas! 

Do you guys have any questions about our adoption? I would love to answer them and am a pretty open book! Post them in the comments!

the paperwork shuffle...an adoption update

Papers ready to be sent to the consulate for authentication. at this point, they have been notarized and already certified by the state. we must make copies of everything. and of course, mailing off the original papers (that you've worked 4 months to get) is a little nerve-wracking too. (Excuse my ugly iphone photo)

Here we go again!

For the last 4 months, when I've not been doing the photographer/wife/mom thing, I've been doing the paperwork thing. I knew when miss Liv turned 1 that we would be ready to focus again on our adoption- that's right, the one we started 3 1/2 years ago.

This step is often referred to as paper-pregnancy, and it is a pretty accurate assessment. The battles of the paperwork process are a thing all their own. It is the first step in the adoption process, but since we have already been waiting for 3 1/2 years, much of our paperwork has expired- so it was necessary to start over. And of course, since this is our second time doing paperwork, when the adoption agency said it would take 4-7 months to complete paperwork, I automatically thought, "yeah, but we will probably go faster". Ha! As if we were the exception. As if, Lissa. 

At times, I have tried explaining where I'm at with paperwork, and in conversation peoples' eyes seem to gloss over and then they ask something like, "but you're almost done, right? And then will you get a picture of her?" Ugh. No, paperwork is not interesting. But it's all I've got to tell you about. YES, OF COURSE we want a photo of our child, but that won't come until much later. Please, please don't make me repeat AGAIN that we do not have a picture yet. I'm not mad about it- it's just how it works. 

If there is one lesson I've learned so far in this adoption process, it's that THINGS WILL NOT GO LIKE YOU THINK THEY WILL GO. 

The second lesson is: THAT'S TOTALLY OK, BECAUSE GOD'S PLAN IS FAR BETTER.

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As I said earlier, we are now at the 4 month mark of working manically on gathering random pieces of paperwork. Most of this includes visiting state and government offices, ordering new birth certificates/marriage license (yes, NEW ones- the old ones will not do!), and some documents needed are a much bigger ordeal, such as our home study, financial records and getting physicals (finding a doc who was accepting new patients that only needed a physical took over a month). 

Then there are notaries, state certification of documents ($), authentication of documents ($$)- and shipping those back and forth. Thankfully, we have piled up cash in a savings account as we've waited, so it's all been covered! (Thank you to ALL who have helped support us in this way. In stressful moments like these, it is a true blessing to just write a check for it!).

Very soon, our documents will be in China. 

Did you hear that? I said CHINA.

That's because our daughter will be Chinese. :)

If you are surprised about that, you better believe we are too. 

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shawn and I, circa 2001 on our second trip to china. we had been dating for a year. such babies!

Guys, God is so good- and His plan is so good. I wrote a blog post when we first started our adoption process. Little did I know that when God set China in our hearts, and He knew that's where our daughter would come from. We just got there by way of Africa. :)

Here's the most basic explanation I can give of how we got here.

Almost immediately after our documents arrived in Ethiopia, referrals (when families are matched with children) almost slowed to a staggering halt. It was rare to see any referrals within our age and gender request, if any at all. There were rumors of Ethiopia shutting down to international adoption- their government even held meetings to assess the situation. Our government put new legislation in place in an effort to ensure more ethical adoptions- which is full of good intention, but for us and our agency, just meant more paperwork, more overall cost, and a longer wait for the orphan.  

We trusted that the timing would be perfect and if we had a long wait ahead, that was ok. That's when Liv came along- whose story is its own miracle! We are so, so thankful for her and what she has meant to our family. I was 7 months pregnant when we got the call from our agency asking if we'd be interested in transferring to the China program. They were waiving some major fees (in fact, it was all the fees we'd already paid, and none we hadn't- so we would be at the perfect place to transfer without losing any money), and the wait times were much, much shorter. The only caveat was that it would mean adopting a child with special needs. Knowing we would be welcoming Liv very soon, it was just too much. We decided to wait.

So, after Liv turned a year, we were ready to revisit the idea of transferring. We called our agency again, and sure enough, the offer to waive fees was still available. But what about the special needs? Well, we did our best to gather all the information we could. In China, "special needs" is very different from what we perceive it to be here in the US. We went through a huge list of possible conditions- some of which were eczema and hemangioma (which is funny, because Liv has a hemangioma on the top of her head- so, been there!). We decided on the needs we were comfortable with, and began the paperwork process.

After making the decision to switch, I really thought I would feel relieved, but the truth is, I was just sad. Sad to say goodbye to Africa and the culture we'd spent so much time learning about and anticipating and the dream of having a beautiful brown face and dark curly hair. The process of sorting through those feelings deserves its own blog post later. My soul needs to write about that.  

So, here we are! There are still a lot of question marks- we will not know which special need our daughter will have until we receive a referral from our agency. At that point, we will have a certain amount of time to research and consider that child and our abilities and resources to properly care for her. We are very thankful that we have some excellent medical resources here in Lubbock, Texas! Does this mean we are fully prepared? Nope. Will there be surprises? Absolutely. But we are trusting that God will provide for all our needs, as well as the needs of each of our children, just as He has throughout this entire process. 

We do not have a quoted or set wait time, but because of our age/gender request, I'm estimating a 6-9 month wait from the time our dossier gets to China. It could be less. It could be more. There is no way we (or our agency) could know for sure. But we do know that the timing will be just right. 

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”

— Romans 8:25

i loved playing with these girls at the guest house where we stayed. i have dozens of photos of them and even drew their portraits in college. i can still remember sitting on that porch when my friend courtney shot this photo.

he put a new song in my mouth

Shawn and I are not the same parents we were 4 years ago when we were expecting Knox. We had no idea what an honor, a challenge, and an adventure parenting would be! We have struggled the past couple of years to get pregnant and stay pregnant, and though it has been a rough season in our lives, we wouldn't take it back- God had taught us so much. Beyond my nagging, pushing, trying to do it myself, God has patiently refined my heart and taught me to fully trust Him with this area of our lives (and we still get to re-learn that every day). I have a new level of thankfulness in my heart, a new perspective on God's plan vs. my plan. It's hopeful. I was thinking on this the other day and this scripture came to mind: 

“He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.”

— Psalm 40:3

That's really what it's all about. I'm hoping you'll see my story and realize how perfectly impossible it is without God.

What's exciting, though- is that not only did He put a new song in my mouth, he put a baby in my belly! That's right- I'm pregnant, and just entering the second trimester! 

We will still be pursuing our adoption as we welcome this baby girl. It is amazing to us how God has worked out his timing in this aspect. As our wait has gotten longer for our adopted child, God brings another in the meantime!

A few words on her name, Liv Caroline:

• Liv means "life". It is a simple way for us to utter our thanks to God for the life of this child! 

• Caroline means "a song of joy and happiness". A perfect description of how we feel. Carrol is also my middle name, as well as my mother's and grandmother's. We love a good family name, so this is our way to keep the tradition alive. Plus, we also love the Neil Diamond hit, haha. 

Thank you to all who have prayed for us in this journey!

adoption/life update

Oh my- where has the time gone? In reality, lately it seems like we have had some very long days.

It is high time I post an update on our life and our adoption specifically. We have many people asking about our adoption, and each time is a great reminder that people really do care. We are not forgotten. 

The last time I posted about this was at the end of October- 3 months ago! We have now been officially waiting 6 months. 

Folks, this adoption stuff is not for the faint of heart. I am not complaining. I am not surprised at how difficult it is- I was warned. But I think somewhere deep down I was just hoping I'd be distracted enough, or strong enough, or have enough faith….many days there is a hopelessness that lingers- one that I'm getting better at recognizing, and with God's help telling it to GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE. I'm realizing again and again that I'm not supposed to be strong enough- I need God to help me through this. And so I've been more eager for co-dependency on Christ. That makes all this waiting worth it. :)

Recently, there have been some scary rumors flying around Ethiopian adoption. Apparently there was a documentary shown in Ethiopia that pointed out many of the weak points of their adoption system, and also hyped-up the extreme cases of Ethiopian international adoptions gone bad. This was followed by a research paper that called for international adoption reform within the country. It is also a hot topic right now with some pending elections.

Talk of a possible shutdown (or imminent slow-down) was/is everywhere. Our agency has been great at keeping us updated, though there is not much news to report. As is common in a third-world country, things are happening at their own pace. The good news is that court and embassy appointments (these are the two times when families travel to Ethiopia to either gain parental rights or a visa to take their child home) have been issued as normal. 

Something that I've been hesitant to entertain this early is possible change of our plans. Shawn and I feel like we are right where God wants us for now. It has been difficult to see many other families within our agency leave the Ethiopia program for another. I know they each have their own journeys, reasons, and circumstances. It is tough to realize we are at the end of a very long list (currently #118 on the "unofficial" waiting list- this list is kept by a volunteer family that is also within the Ethiopia program and only includes the families who have chimed in, so it is likely that we are actually lower on the list if you include the other families that are also waiting who have not announced their status to the group). There has also been a major slow down in the amount of referrals (children being matched with families) in the past 6 months. Our agency is estimating that our wait could be extended from the original 18-24 months we first heard to 3.5 to 5 years. I don't doubt that this could be the case.

I do not want to make any decisions out of fear or selfishness. From where I stand right now, waiting a possible 5 years for a child seems incredibly long. But I know I'll say, "it was worth it" on the other side. I know it's no coincidence that God has placed other friends in our lives who are also in the adoption process and/or struggling with infertility. Sometimes it feels so selfish to say that 5 years is too long. 

But so many sources have reminded me of God's perfect timing, and the truth is- He has so much to show us in the journey. Some of these realizations/truths have been:

1) I now have a longing for my adopted child that may be there for a very long time. It hurts, but it also increases my ability to understand how God longs for His adopted children- us! When I think of it, it is overwhelming. I am so thankful for that hurt. 

2) Adoption is never a perfect process. It is a relationship born of brokenness. I cannot expect to fully understand my future child, but I can do my best to empathize and depend the orphan in other ways as we wait.

3) I am so thankful for my husband and my son. To have both of them to hug is such a gift. 

If you've been following my blog long enough, you also know that we experienced 2 miscarriages before we started the adoption process last January. Since then, we've experienced 2 more. Both of these were unplanned (but not unwanted) pregnancies, and early miscarriages. We were relieved when my OB referred me to a specialist. Within minutes of hearing our story, the specialist had a probable diagnosis and that diagnosis was confirmed with an ultrasound. He recommended surgery- a day surgery- that would be a permanent fix to the problem. It was great news to us. 

So, I'm going in for surgery in two days. Though it's just a one day in-and-out kind of deal, I'm still a little nervous. Not that anything will go wrong with my body. I'm nervous of my own expectations. Nervous for 3 months from now when I'm wondering if I might get pregnant- and then if I get pregnant, if I will stay that way for long. 

Now, if you're reading this and you're thinking, "She can't get pregnant, she has to shoot my wedding!", PLEASE know that this is literally the FIRST thought that I have when the "Oh my goodness, am I pregnant?" feeling comes. Crazy or not, it's part of the job. :) In all of this (technically 5 pregnancies) I have realized that God will make a baby when He wants to make a baby.

With Knox, it worked out that he was due during my slow time for wedding photography. Though we would like to think we can plan a pregnancy around my schedule (and will try to), we know that it is in God's hands and we have to trust that He will provide for us and for my clients if I do get pregnant. I had a great pregnancy with Knox and shot weddings up until the last month of pregnancy. So, I'm choosing to respond with hope to that worry. Babies and weddings are life's biggest celebrations!

So friends, I'm asking you to pray. Pray for Ethiopia, our adoption process, our agency, my surgery, and ask God that our family will grow HIS way in HIS perfect timing. 

I have been asking God to show me His truth lately. With rumors and worries constantly at bay, I know that God's truth is what I need to be rooted in. I had a dream last week that I was driving in a car with two high school friends. We were leaving some sort of Christian women's conference and discussing the message we'd just heard. One of them said, "You know, the TRUTH is that your present circumstances are God's gift". There it was. I immediately woke up and repeated it. My mom reminded me of James 1:2-5:

"Don't run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line- mature, complete, wanting nothing. If you don't have all the wisdom needed for this journey, then all you have to do is ask God for it; and God will grant all that you need. He gives lavishly and never scolds you for asking."

UPDATE 1/28/14: We received word from our agency that the Ethiopian government does not plan to stop international adoption, but will focus on "eliminating bad practice" in Ethiopian adoptions (i.e. corruption). They encouraged agencies to continue work as normal. This is great news for us and the orphan!

2 & 3 Months DTE!

I did actually make a quilt square for 2 months DTE, and kind of hated the "2" that I put on it...plus we had a LOT going on so I never blogged.  

So here is the update for months 2 & 3! 

I am realizing that these posts will likely become more like personal monthly updates rather than just adoption-related posts. I'm ok with that- as I'm realizing that I need to spend more time "journaling" anyway. 

Month 2 of being DTE was...a little depressing. I think it really hit me that we will be waiting for a LONG TIME. There are some days where I am so full of hope that this wait time is not so overwhelming, but here recently they have been fewer and fewer. On top of that I am becoming more and more aware of the future challenges we'll face while we try to bond with our daughter and live as a family who doesn't "match". I've been shocked at myself- moments where I realize my own bits of racism and judgmental attitude. It's a little scary. I want to be able to prepare and know exactly what's to come, and though I can read and ask friends about it, being fully prepared is impossible. Moments of fear like this make me so thankful that I know several others who have gone before me, and have already been such great sources of encouragement. 

We've continued to hear tough news from our agency about new regulations being put in place, in an effort to increase the integrity of the Ethiopian adoption process. Longer wait times, more paperwork. There have been only a few referrals in the last month (the courts close for the rainy season in Ethiopia this time of year). It's made the wait feel even more endless. I do have complete trust in our agency and the work they are doing, however. It's just tough not to get selfish. We are a part of a private online group of families adopting from ET within our agency. Sometimes it is the only place where these waiting adoptive parents can voice their frustration (which really only adds to mine), but there has been so much wisdom come from this group as well. These are the truths that I am holding on to:

• God's timing is perfect. 

• He has my best (which is also His glory) in His plan. I need to trust that. 

• "...but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. " Psalm 34:10

• "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose" Romans 8:27-28

Maybe it's just that my eyes have been more opened since we started this process, but I have been continually encouraged to see lots of friends and acquaintances begin the adoption process as well! It is making me wonder if there is a shift going on generationally- that maybe my generation will see adoption as an equally legitimate path to family building. I hope so and that is my prayer. 

In other news, we sold our house and are in the process of closing on a new one! Friends, I cannot even begin to tell you what a blessing this is. While buying/selling a house is not something I would like do every five years, I am glad that things have gone so smoothly. When we closed on our first home 5 years ago, I remember thinking, "there is NO way this couldn't have been orchestrated by God. So many things had to go right just to get us to this one place". And it's true. We've been saving for a down payment in addition to the adoption for quite a while now, and all of the sudden, we had saved our goal amount. The next thing we knew, our house was on the market, and it sold within 3 days! After searching and searching for a new home (more space was the biggest priority) we made offers on 3 different homes only to find out they were under contract by the time we'd submitted the offer. It was a rollercoaster of emotion. But finally, we found one we loved. One we could see ourselves never outgrowing or over-improving. 

Though I know that I am not made whole by any material thing, this house is such a big promise to me. I am still very much dealing with the history of multiple miscarriages/pregnancy loss, which hits me at weird times, in weird ways. 

I was driving down the road one day and the thought came to me that my future daughter will likely come to us with the pain of having lost people she loves but has never met (her biological mother/father). I know what that feels like. I know that this hurt is a gift to me. In God's way, he has connected my heart with hers on a level I would not have known had I not also lost children I love. 

In the midst of loss, I have hugged tighter to the gifts I've been given- Shawn, Knox, my extended family, caring friends, any little thing I can find as a reminder of God's promises for us, His children.  This new home has so much promise for us. The promise of security, of shelter, of family meals and playtime, and more family members. :)