29. ​

I'll be honest- I never really thought about what life would be like after, say, 25 years old. So it amazes me that I am surprised all the time about what it really is like!​

This has been the best worst year of my life, and I couldn't be more thankful. ​

Miscarriages, changes in income, starting a new business, growing a 2 year old, beginning the adoption process, being involved and busy with family and friends and church...​

I'm tired. But motivated. And stronger- knowing where I've been, but weaker (in the best way possible)- knowing God got me through. ​

We are embracing the crazy around here. Accepting it. Realizing that "crazy" to us just might be what God had planned all along. In general, I have not found the crazy to be fun, or pleasurable. Change scares me. ​

BUT- it is worth it. ​Beyond worth it. It's in those "can I make it through this?" moments that God has reminded me that He has a plan.

I had the pleasure of meeting an American woman who ​lived in Ethiopia until she was 18 years old yesterday. What a wealth of knowledge for us!

This morning, Shawn and I waited in the lobby of my OB/GYN's office. (I'll be undergoing some blood testing just to investigate any potential causes of the miscarriages I've experienced this year.) As we sat, in walked a woman, holding a little girl's hand. The girl was about 3 years old- and I immediately noticed her pretty brown skin and said to Shawn, "That's exactly how I'd like to dress my little girl". Then, looking up- I realized that the woman was wearing the same shirt that the woman I'd met yesterday had been wearing. Ethiopia. There it is. Again. ​

​Do we want more biological children? Yes. Was adoption always a part of the plan? Yes. 

So we are waiting. And appreciating all that we have. Because really, we are rich- in love, in resources, in family and friends willing to support us. Not to mention I can run to the God of the Universe to discuss these things. 

But back to the best/worst thing. I'm so glad I didn't know this time was coming. But so many good things have come of it. Things I needed to experience to be who I am. There has been so much grace, so many clear reminders...God will take care of His children. ​

Through this time, I have discovered what real hope is. Hope is not wishful thinking- it is understanding that God's got this. God wins. And if I'm trusting Him, I'll be much more than ok. 

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